When a relationship feels like it’s hitting all the wrong notes, it’s only natural to start thinking, “Should I stay, or should I go?” Cue The Clash – ironic, isn’t it? Deciding to leave or stay brings a wave of questions and concerns: emotions, the kids, finances, and the unsettling unknown of what lies ahead. The key question which often comes up: should I move out?
Most lawyers will tell you not to. Normally, this is not because you will be giving up your share of the marital home or that you will otherwise face some financial penalty for doing so. It is because your other half will then be left living in the home with no incentive to sort out a settlement. This may result in their using tactics to delay or frustrate proceedings or a settlement and, even more so, when part of the settlement involves the sale of the marital home. And, even if a settlement is agreed and a court timetable is set for the sale of the home, that may not overcome this difficulty. Yes, ultimately the sale will take place but, in the meantime, you might lose a purchaser and who wants the delay and expense of having to go back to court to enforce an order for sale, because the estate agents or potential purchasers are being given the run around on the basis that all viewing times are ‘inconvenient’.
If you move out, you must obviously consider the financial implications. You will be paying for your new home and possibly also having to contribute towards the mortgage on the marital home (you remain liable if the mortgage is in joint names), plus maintenance for the children and maybe spousal maintenance as well. All of this depends on the financial position of the parties and every case is different. In an extreme case, where the remaining party must pay the mortgage, they might even argue for a larger settlement to compensate them. Where there is no suitable or affordable second home and parents want their children to experience as little disruption as possible, a comparatively recent idea is a ‘nesting’ arrangement. This involves renting a nearby property which the husband and wife use on alternate weeks whilst the other returns to be with the children in the marital home. This is not a straightforward solution but can work despite practical disadvantages concerning housekeeping issues and if another relationship is formed.
If the marital home is owned by your spouse and you move out, then to protect your interest you should register a Matrimonial Rights Act Notice at the Land Registry. That will have the effect of notifying a purchaser that you have an interest in the property and prevent the property from being sold without your knowledge. If children are involved, moving out normally means you are going to see less of them. Although it may be difficult to have a discussion, if possible, before moving out try and agree when and how often you will see the children. This will also establish a pattern which will be important, if subsequently there is a dispute about how often you will see the children and how long they will stay with you. Finally, if you are moving out, this is the best time to take your possessions and anything else you want. Retrieving them later may prove a lot more difficult. Of course, living together may become intolerable and to defuse an already difficult situation it may be best for everyone that you do move out. However, before doing so, be aware of the implications and take advice. We are a team of 5 experienced lawyers but, what makes us different to a firm of solicitors, is that we
are acting as divorce consultants. We help people navigate the legal maze and stop them making expensive mistakes. We use our experience of the divorce process to find solutions to lower the
temperature and save money. If the above resonates or you know someone who may benefit from speaking to us, please do contact me. We don’t charge for an initial consultation.